Written Against Cultural Stagnation

Determination In My Eyes I See  (D.I.M.E.I.S)

 Loyalty Over Money

The ideal spot for a vacation resides in the mind.  Far from a distant place where there is no evil, deceit, or crime.  I picture this vacation when I close my eyes and dream, just to see all my lost family. From Chiefy to my Aunt Unis to all my fallen comrades that are now living in the heavenly skies.  I dream of this vacation every time God lays me down to sleep so I can wake to see the true reality. Some may never know about this place where I take my vacations, because they don’t know my situation. Only God provides me the strength to travel to this place where only I can see.  Some might think I’m crazym but I don’t.  I know I’m sane  to the point of no return.  Please walk through the memories of my vacation and travel with me without any hesitation.

There is no evil here because I walk with the all mighty who I praise every night.  He paves a road for me to travel through where I see the evil that I can’t commit.  I’ve had my trials and tribulations that  I went through where the lord seeks restoration of  a better me. I’ve served time for the wicked behind closed gates  where I was treated like an animal. Stood on corners killing my own kind like a cannibal. But I learned because God sent me on a vacation where he isolated me in my own mind. 

There is no deceit when I and this vacation meet, because we just greet.  This vacation reminds me of every time I thought to cheat , I thought to beat , or I thought to mislead.  I learned to always be loyal to the one that shares the table where I eat.  Fours kids but now I have found the one who has blessed me with an identical son.  She takes this vacation with me when we close our eyes to sleep, holding her when I twist and turn.  When I wake she's right next to me fighting off the deceit, forgiving me for the times when I would mistreat.  She is my vacation to fight this deceit, that’s why it will always be a her and me.

There is no crime, because the guns are put down. The drugs are no longer sold and poverty is no longer convincing the mind.  This vacation shows me we don’t have to call police because there is no violence.  I love this vacation because there is no palm trees nor people crowding the streets, its just me.  If only this could be true reality where we all take this type of vacation, where crime doesn’t leave us in a complicated situation.

So I ask all to close their eyes and see with their dreams, where some never go and some never dream.  To see my Ideal vacation as I dream in a distant place in my mind.  I know some might talk about taking trips to Disney , Mexico, France, but I myself dream of a vacation far from people thoughts.  My vacation is in my mind when I fall asleep just to wake to true reality.

Maybe it started when Martin was King

or when Malcolm was the X factor

when we let freedom sing

Maybe it started when Rosa was the first one to park 

outshining the bravery that was shown in the million men march

Maybe it started when Langston showed a black person can read n write

or when Booker T.  showed, all innovators weren't white 

Maybe it started when Harriet created the underground railroad

to free as many as she can free,  from those treacherous hell holes

Maybe it started when they were overlooking Sachel's Page 

and chose Jackie Robinson to be the first to appear on the Stage

Maybe it started when Ray Charles refused to play in GA 

because they wouldn't let the "color" watch him play

Maybe it started when the White man called the black man a thief !!

well how the hell we the thief when they stole We!! 

Maybe it started when Jack Johnson was the first black champ

paving the way for the Brown Bomber to advance

Maybe it started when the sweet music of the house of blues gave us hope when life left us confused 

Maybe it started in the "Thrilla in Manilla"

or when Pop Rock was taking over by Mike's own Thriller 

Maybe It started on June 25, 1971 

when a prophet was born under the Sun

I complained about my shoes until I saw a man with no feet / I complained about my right to speak / until I saw a man with no speech

What has this world gotten into / Fuck the water , what’s in the mental / We got brothers dating brothers / sisters and sisters becoming lovers / what happen to the reproduction process that is made under covers / Babies are being  pushed down the Ave by babies / we call the mother of those children, “Hot in the Ass” ladies / Men are not owning up to their positions / leaving the woman with the critical decision / to abort or livin / then gotta go to court because this nigga aint givin / They said not to believe shit until you see a pig fly, which is true / well I guess we have to come up with a new do / because I just saw how the Swine Flu / Nobody is looking for love no more / Now brief conversations give you the policy to go in raw / then find  out some shit that you never had before / My dude Ike just got Seven / I prayed for him, hoping he finally get athe chance to talk to the Reverend / MY dude Tee needs a Kidney / but these doctors don’t give a fuck, unless you putting up that bread to get them a Bentley / Wild passed six months before Juani / both deaths untimely / Tatted both names on my arms just to remind me / B’s and C’s are the new the breed / that would lead / a future that would under achieve / I would write more but I rather this poem be incomplete / and continue later with part two of Deeper than Deep

They take proclaim to a name

that does not fit their description nor frame

while the ones that handle their handle take the blame.

They don’t show any child support

nor do they pay attention to child support

then they wonder why their children don’t get taught.

Their attention is focused on the streets

or entering the bedrooms of every other woman’s sheets.

How do we get these men to get on track

and stop giving gifts that are only seen if the whole room is black.

Invisible gifts they can't give back.

No birthday visits, no dialing 7 digits

just memories of a picture that is so vivid.

Men have to realize that it takes a man to raise a man

and you can't raise a man if you are on two different parts of the land.

How could you conceive a child that wears his father's face

and not bless that child with his father's grace.

A father that never shows his face is a father that is on the chase

and a father that is on a chase would never understand

what their child is missing in their mother's place.

But let’s not stop right there

because we have some dead beats that wear sheer and long hair.

Always complaining on how their shoulders carry too much to bare.

These dead beats wear the name mother

and their hobbies are multiple lovers

just to create more sisters and brothers.

They rely on the system to pay their bills

while leaving their kids with unknown faces just to chill

with Mr. Iced Out grills.

She’s jobless, trying to find something

and the world wonders why the streets are getting younger

and our youth are getting dumber.

Dead beats wake up before its to late

and help the children we create

blow the candles out of the birthday cakes.

My eyes on the prize / but these bitches think the prize / is being held between their thighs/ Thinking I’m a charity case / telling me what the fuck to do,  like the battery has been  placed / A lot of these dudes!!! are fuckin fake and phony / they closes homie, don’t understand why he have to pour out saying “This is for my homie” / Damn my hood is turning into a Little Compton / we have B’s n C’s running around with guns like Charlie Bronson / Shooting to kill without any remorse / n I think about this shit staring out my rearview, sitting on my Mind’s porch / hoping for a change, saying to myself “we gotta believe like Ali holding that torch/ If my black brothers could unite / we could fight the fight / maybe then 1 outta 10 dont have to die every night / but Instead  we wanna be thugs until papers are read / saying “one dead and two in  critical / now in your last stages you want to be spiritual / I walk the pavement of hell / the concrete of satan / exscaping my turn to go to jail / letters sent thru the mail / talking with pride cause my story is hard to tell / on my knees praying , saying Lord I can  not fail……………hold up wait , I don’t think yall see / just wait , just wait to Deeper than Deep

When I saw you, my mind stopped and my heart started going

because what was showing  was Divine beauty that was glowing

May I be the melody to ya heart

The Music to ya soul 

ya work of art  that would never treat you cold

May I take ya hand so you can follow me to another part of the land

where heartbreak doesn't exist and there are no dudes on the corner screaming out "Excuse me Miss" 

May I tell you what my heart has to offer from a friend perspective as well as a lover

no torture, no motives that are trying to deceive you into the covers

May I chase away ya fears, erase away ya tears, misplace the fact of u being scared

just to show you I would never put more on you than you can bare

May I feel ya words through the phone talking all night separate homes

cool, calm , n collective when we converse,  no need for changes in our tone

May I tell you all of me

If I jump in a pool of loyalty n respect would you fall with me

May I let you know that I wrote this poem from a place called Deep down

next to my heart where only a few can come around.

Where has the love went 

do you still have the memories of the time we spent

can you still smell my scent 

Do you still consider me as a Gent  or are those feelings no longer present

Many times I looked you eye to eye, telling you how I felt

but I guess it was wrong timing because at that time you were thinking love couldn't help

Someone broke ya heart so I had to pay for his mistakes

at times I reached for ya heart but you told me it got misplaced

I was thinking you were the one like before too

dim clouds with no sun before you

I was starting to fall in love with beautiful thinking the feelings were mutual

until you broke it down, telling me I was there to be just a Good friend to you

wish it was I, that conceived with you

because you would of had something special that believed in you

not trying to mislead you or feed you bullshit that's not believable

I'm just telling you thoughts that are retrievable

if you close you eyes n remember seeing what's past

But I guess a chance of a life time will never happen

As I sit back pondering to myself listening to my thoughts Chit-chattin

Let my hands be the tissue to catch your worries

let my mind be the path if you have to walk in hurries

let my heart be the ground when ya eyes start to flurry  

and  I promise to always be on time and if not then early

Let this poem be a friendship agreement

and once we earn the true value of trust n loyalty than we would see the achievement

don't shallow away because I could be your shadow even if there is no sun in your day

I could be your advice that you cant find

I could be the sacrifice you need when everyone seems to be blind

So in this friendship agreement I pledge to be

the hand that reach when u standing at the edge ready to leap

Also with this agreement I will give you my heart

be careful with it because many times it has been dropped,  breaking apart

I had to put it back together so many times

so you just might see some horizontal lines

So today I ask for your signature to this verbal agreement

sign it with your words and stamp it with your love

and when you mail it off do me a favor

and mail it in the form of a Hug

Pay attention while I tell you the story of a man on the road to the riches striving for his glory

He kept in his heart, his wifey and shorty

10 hours in the studio, 8 hours of blue collar , 4 hours for his fam, and 2 hours to sleep

This mans emotions were running kind of deep and everyday he had to listen to his wifey's speech

She complained that she can’t see that he is there for she

so she don’t think he is involved with "we"

so she said, if there is no “we”, then there is no she, and she must be free

He was thinking of ways to share the time in his life with her and the industry

She wanted a husband at home, so he was facing the ministry

He knew his career was about to blow and it was going to be history

But he couldn’t take his wifey’s ignorance, you see

She was making him choose between love and fame

She was scared if he blew, he would probably forget her name

She was trying to put so much strain

instead of helping the situation by providing motivation to gain

Her mind was so wrapped up with him that she was forgetting about him

And when I say him, I mean her little stem

that grew from a seed to a plant, but wasn’t planted by him

He was just trying to be a good man for them

He knew the lil’ boy wasn’t his

but that didn’t stop him from watching over the crib

Looking as the child slept with daddy's lil’ boy on his bib

He had love for the kid

The same type of love he had for his rib

So the pressure was starting to get heavy

It was the love for music moving steady

Not saying ol’ boy wasn’t ready

but it was to much to bare

He had to quickly come to a decision

because love and music was running into a collision

His soul was shifting, on the inside he felt something was missing as the mic was lifting

Everyone that was on his team finally felt the feeling of not wishing

Finally there

Success is so near

Now they have money to share

He got home to tell his wifey the good news

just to find out she was getting ran on by a couple of hood dudes

So he went to the closest, forgetting the rules

“Never wild over a chick, keep ya cool”

But all that was thrown out the window when he reached for that tool

Its all over now, here comes the red and blues

The only one left standing is the lil’ boy

who is now a product of his environment’s blues.

Lets travel to a part of the mind where everything is distant / happiness is persistent / loyalty is consistent / Where the truth is never hidden / and the words of wisdom are never forbidden / now lets travel to a part of the heart where everything is fragile / where love stands on a field to battle / and Broken-hearted always seem to be rattled/ But both you need in order to live / one has a imagination recorder that records everything that lands on ya bridge / and the other is very sensitive when someone or something burns that bridge / See the mind and the heart both suffers when tradegy strikes / its just that the mind can overcome while the heart go thru pains that reach different heights / Someone asked me which one I love with, the heart or the mind / My response was I love with both at the same time / because that’s the true meaning of how love is really blind

Verse 1: She open her legs just to get by / hoping she was dead one of these reasons she gets high / not too long ago shorty was so fly / but after late night Tellys / and frequent calls to different Cellys / growth started happening in the midst of her belly / every night she went to sleep feeling sad / knowing her unborn child belong to a invisible dad / pride kept the secret concealed / she was not about to go on Maury , receiving a envelope signed n sealed / you are not the dad multiple times revealed / she was a good girl but had no directions / men took advantage of her by riding dirty in her intersection / She had no family , no friends , no guidance / she felt like her life was coming to a end with no one to confide in 

Verse 2: Every dude she ever met / showed no respect / she gave up thinking they'll never neglect / but what you expect / when those legs are spread and there's no regrets/ they don't see a woman they see sex / and after they don't its off with the next / the feeling in her gut was so complex / her eyes was shocked when she saw two lines when she checked / looking in the mirror at herself thinking how can she raise a image that reflects / so one day she was walking down the street / head was low with slippers on her feet / she was thinking to herself , she wanted the stress to go / so she could get herself some sleep but all the pain drain her mind and made her body very weak / she looked up n saw a sign / that said when u seek you should find / that had praying hands with a message that stated "In due time"

Epilogue: Then a man walked towards her and gave her a bible / it read the greatest book as its title / had a book mark between the pages / was in the shape of history like someone possesed it for ages / when she open it , it had a message that stated / I've done carried you from hell n back , just to make you a little stronger / I'm putting you down now my child , success is straight ahead , you just have to walk a lil longer / and pass this good book unto someone in the time of need / give them faith an strength to believe / but do me one favor before you leave / look down as you proceed / because there is two pair of foot prints now when u leave...

In her mind I know there are many writings on the walls / many memories of Titans taking her heart to war / she conceals her pain inside a close door/ where she closets her pride and her hurtful thoughts / Many feelings were caught / in the past where lessons were taught / men used brutal force / without any remorse / but nobody believed because they didn't hear it from the source / It wasn't that she was scared to talk/ it was the fact that she didn't want her business to walk / plus she had the strength of 10 women / so when thoughts got the swimming / she would brush it off / traveling the hardest roads until they became soft / She has a beautiful mind and a deep heart / which reminds me of poetry and art / Shes a queen that is missing a King / the last one treated her wrong n left her in the west wing / he probably told lies about how he gave his all, while she scream "you did what" / but the lord made her remember / that we fall down to get up / even if we face the coldest days in December / She knew she had a angel that could help heal her pain / but she didn't want to use him as gain / because there was to much strength in her frame / But he always wanted her to know that he would be the one that stands with her whenever it rains.